Anonymous asked: You're one of my favorite writers on tumblr and I love your insight/advice. I recently caught my male friend (someone i considered my best friend actually) recording me while i was in the shower with a recording device hidden amongst towels. After confronting him, he admitted he took more recordings of me which he watched. I feel so dirty and i dont know what to do. I KNOW i should cut him off, but since i considered him a really good friend it's really hard for me to do so. Can u give me advice

First of all, thank you.

So assuming you guys already talked about it, I hope that you make it apparent that what he did was wrong and it made you feel uncomfortable. I just can’t seem to wrap around my head that a so called “best friend” would do that. I just feel like if someone really is a genuine person, he wouldn’t even dare to do that out of respect. But as cliche as it sounds, “boys will be boys”, yet that is not a valid excuse nor justifies doing what he did. If I was in your shoes, there’s no point of being friends with this person. Then again, I don’t have disrespectful, dirty, nasty and immature friends so maybe, you should consider who you’re becoming friends with. 

"I gave you things I wasn’t even sure I had." 

The beginning of a blog I wrote a year and change ago. A lot was different then - how I felt, how I was, how I looked, how I looked at you and how you were. At that point in time, I was in a bit of a crossroad and somewhat, somehow, I was beginning to feel a significant amount of regret for giving you the little ounce of what I had left in me.

I was broken and so were you. I tried to scrape up the tiny little pieces of what was left from a previous life and somehow, I wanted to stitch you up by hand, with the same damn hands that were lacerated by picking up the shattered bits of my own being. I hated you for making me love that person who loved - nothing. I hated you for making me fall in love with someone who would simply warm my bed at night and leave my heart as cold as ice the next morning. I hated you for making me hand you every single thing I got and yes, I gave you things I wasn’t even sure I had. 

A year and change later, this “I gave you things I wasn’t even sure I had" has a whole different meaning and an ending for this blog. 

Now that I think about it, you knew from the start I wasn’t ready. You knew from the start that what I tried to give you was nothing near what I really could have if I was. I was broken and so were you. And once again, somewhat, somehow, at one point, we hit a crossroad a realized we’re too old for this shit and got tired of playing these games and doing nothing but dealing with broken pieces is just way too exhausting.

So you, you took my wounded hands, helped me get up from the ground and stopped me from trying to piece together the things we should have walked away from, from the very beginning. I hated how empty your heart was, but it turns out you were simply starting over, unloading your baggages and simply making room to fall in love with better things, including me. I hated you for leaving me so cold in the dark, but you were simply killing any old flame that might have remained in my heart from all my previous relationships. And yes, I gave you things I wasn’t even sure I had and in return, you replaced them with things I do deserve to have and things I could be certain and be sure of. You have given me you. All of you. 

- Carmela David

#Writing  

When people stop writing, it’s one of two things - they are either really fucking happy or broken beyond repair.

Ming D. Liu (via seelengekritzel)

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It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.

Eartha Kitt  (via thatkindofwoman)

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Another Chapter Closing.

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This picture was taken in May of 2012 when I graduated from community college and received my Associate Degrees in Liberal Arts (Emphasis in Math and Science). In less than a month, I will, once again, walk across the stage during the commencement ceremony. This time, to obtain my Bachelors of Science degree in Biological Sciences (Physiology).

It has been an eventful journey for the past two years and this is the first time I’ve actually had a chance to sit down and reflect on the past 24 months of my life. Also, I realized I am turning 24 in exactly one month which is also very exciting and scary at the same time. Man, it’s the last year I will spend before I turn into the next quarter of my life. And I can finally rent a car next year without paying the surcharge. 

I can’t even begin to explain how intense the feelings and emotions running through my veins. Maybe it’s the coffee still keeping me up and alert, or the final 3 weeks of school jitters or the fact that my mom just half asleep texted me "I’m proud of you." See, that’s big for me because my parents are the type who will always talk shit to your face and will always compliment you behind your back. And I can’t complain because having to constantly prove myself to them is one of the ways I pulled motivation from.

It’s crazy to think I planned something two years ago - transfer to finish my undergrad, find a stable dental office to work for and a new home. And seeing that all come together is a crazy blissful realization. I’ve always been they type of person to keep moving, to try and make room for progress and improvement, yet, it has always been the start of change that takes the most courage and audacity, so I do stop, hesitate and doubt myself. And now that I feel like I am closing one chapter and begin a new one, I am starting to feel that funny feeling in my stomach once again.

But who isn’t afraid of change? I am only human. 

Stepping into a new direction, unfamiliar, and unacquainted place is always a scary thought. That’s why there’s always that hesitation and uncertainty that comes over us. Even though we should always remember that when an opportunity knocks, open, hold the door and welcome it, there’s always that feeling of doubt. And even though we know that we must stop the battle between our hearts, between our minds, between ourselves, fear seems to always play a significant part. 

The simple thought of “change” is scary. Just as how it was that morning of our graduation, the first day in college, the first day on a new job or even on our first real date. All these are quite frightening because it’s something we are not accustomed to. Why? Because finally, we are stepping out of our comfort zone, stepping out of our boundaries and opening that door to what is foreign to us. Then again, who doesn’t get scared of that idea though, right?

No matter how many times we think it through, no matter how exciting the thought of that change might be, and no matter how beneficial, how good, how amazing, and how much joy that change might bring into our lives, we still find ourselves skeptical. No matter how many times we might peek and look through what’s on the other side. Fear always seems to win, because as soon as you open that door, you never really know what’s behind it. Do we open it? Or just let it be?

It’s difficult because we understand that when we do open that door, there’s no turning back. All we could really hope for is to make the right decision of welcoming it, or not. And if we fail, fall and get hurt, we’ll be stronger, wiser and we’ll pick up the pieces and move forward. But it just gets better from here, day in to day out. 

That’s what makes life so interesting. We are all presented with these challenges, these opportunities, these moments, these experiences, that we can all get bits and pieces of lessons we pick up from. It’s all part of being human. It’s all part of how we live and develop. It’s all part of the excitement of life. Because remember, ”There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction.” - Winston Churchill

- Carmela David 

Title: Lay Me Down (acoustic) Artist: Sam Smith 235,113 plays

❤️

(via ms-sarcasticbitch)

I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone.

Dan Howell (via ittybitty-world)

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How to keep a relationship.

Communicate: Talk about things, the good and bad. Build trusts. Be honest. Be faithful. Be there for one another. Make time for one another. Leave the past to the past, which include ex’s. Know that having arguments are normal. Know that you won’t always be happy. Don’t expect change. Appreciate the flaws. Appreciate each other. Become best friends. Lastly, love each other unconditionally.

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(via langleav)

Experience Is The Best Teacher

Truth is, I don’t have my shit together one hundred and one percent of the time. There are days that everything might seem like I have everything perfectly, but there are also days that nothing works out in my favor, at all.

Every single day, chances are, I will make even a simple mistake and mess up and think that I have failed in life. Yes, even the least complex problems get the best of me sometimes.

You see, my life is not perfect. I am not perfect.

But the amazing thing is, we are all built to learn from the mistakes we make, despite how big or small they are. We are all meant to progress and develop into something bigger and brighter through all the challenges we face day by day. The best thing about falling down is the ability to stand back up. These experiences, lessons, our resilience & little triumphs, defines us. It’s all bout the little things.

"Remember, experience is the best teacher, for it gives you the test first, then the lesson."

- Carmela David (2010) 

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Note To Self:

I think one of the most important aspects about relationships is fully understanding that it is not meant to be perfect. Relationships are difficult, complex and they require a lot of hard work and determination. Just like people. I think that each and everyone, regardless how easy-going a person is naturally, could be at one point or another difficult to deal with. Humans are not invulnerable to stress, to anxiety and the pressures of life. We’re perfectly imperfect, just as it reflects the relationships we have with others. Oftentimes, as people entertain the idea of relationships, they envision a place where they ought to gain something. People often want to find someone that can make them happy. And when that happiness is falling out of place, we find a million and one reasons to let go. Relationships are tedious and requires lots and lots of perseverance. But just like anything and everything that’s worth it, nothing will ever come easy.

- Carmela David

Anonymous asked: do you have an occupation in writing?

No, I do not. 

Falling in love is a crazy thing to do. It’s like a socially acceptable form of insanity.

Amy; Her (via jae-la-soul)

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The Second Time You Fall In Love

"The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.

The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and wariness. “My ex never liked broccoli. Why the hell does this one eat so much broccoli?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very jarring. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and in dire need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a bout of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? I think it starts with us having a moment together in some coffee shop, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a bike though. You never really forget.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a cameo at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after awhile.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you will hopefully have better sex. Do not quote me on this.

The second time you fall in love with someone will still be exciting and you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. It will feel more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making coffee for each other in the morning and maybe even getting a dog. “This is my dog, Xan. I got him with the second person I fell in love with because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would’ve killed a dog.”

The second time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The second time can involve some amazing love.”

-Ryan O’Connell