Why some good things never last.
I think about why sometimes, simply my existence inflict pain in other people without me knowing, or without being intentional, or conscious about it. I feel as if I have been born with a curse, a type of trouble where I can’t fully be happy, or make someone happy, without making other people unhappy. I wonder why sometimes, people expect so much from me that even though no matter what I do, no matter how I try to make myself better, I can’t give each & everyone what they want. I wonder why no matter I try not to cause inconvenience, I still end up hurting someone, & in most instances, more than just someone. I wonder why just about every single time, I start to get comfortable with a person, start to get an appropriate feeling to open up about my heartaches, my quandaries, my success, my mistakes, any little thing, any big thing, something happens in between the conversations, & for some reason, it changes everything. The pure & platonic aspect just subsides, most of the time, without a warning. So it’s almost always too late. I never meant for you to fall for me. I never intended for you to open up as much as you have. I never meant to captivate you with my words, my interpretation to everything, my passion, my love for everything & my attitude towards most things. In addition, you knew from the very start my heart belongs to one person & that person only. And I’m sorry not because I believe I brought you pain, sadness. I apologize because I was blinded & honestly did not see it coming. You have made you decision to never have anything to do with me & I respect that & believe it’s for the best. Its true when they say, when reality steps in, the dreaming ends. No matter how much we try, some good things never last. I learned a lot from you just as how I learned from every single person who ever walked into my life. Forever will I remember the things you have uncovered both about life & about love. I am grateful for showing me the good things I have failed to see about myself. I am thankful for that fact that an insightful person like you still exist in this world. Though I regret the fact that things didn’t go the simpler way, but in a way I’m still happy. Now I wonder why I thought I gained a good friend, maybe you’re right. I was never considered a friend. You can’t lose something you never once had. I guess it’s just another one bites the dust. But even though that’s the case, I still hope for the better & wish you the best.
-Carmela