I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone.
Communicate: Talk about things, the good and bad. Build trusts. Be honest. Be faithful. Be there for one another. Make time for one another. Leave the past to the past, which include ex’s. Know that having arguments are normal. Know that you won’t always be happy. Don’t expect change. Appreciate the flaws. Appreciate each other. Become best friends. Lastly, love each other unconditionally.
Truth is, I don’t have my shit together one hundred and one percent of the time. There are days that everything might seem like I have everything perfectly, but there are also days that nothing works out in my favor, at all.
Every single day, chances are, I will make even a simple mistake and mess up and think that I have failed in life. Yes, even the least complex problems get the best of me sometimes.
You see, my life is not perfect. I am not perfect.
But the amazing thing is, we are all built to learn from the mistakes we make, despite how big or small they are. We are all meant to progress and develop into something bigger and brighter through all the challenges we face day by day. The best thing about falling down is the ability to stand back up. These experiences, lessons, our resilience & little triumphs, defines us. It’s all bout the little things.
"Remember, experience is the best teacher, for it gives you the test first, then the lesson."
- Carmela David (2010)
I think one of the most important aspects about relationships is fully understanding that it is not meant to be perfect. Relationships are difficult, complex and they require a lot of hard work and determination. Just like people. I think that each and everyone, regardless how easy-going a person is naturally, could be at one point or another difficult to deal with. Humans are not invulnerable to stress, to anxiety and the pressures of life. We’re perfectly imperfect, just as it reflects the relationships we have with others. Oftentimes, as people entertain the idea of relationships, they envision a place where they ought to gain something. People often want to find someone that can make them happy. And when that happiness is falling out of place, we find a million and one reasons to let go. Relationships are tedious and requires lots and lots of perseverance. But just like anything and everything that’s worth it, nothing will ever come easy.
- Carmela David
Anonymous asked: do you have an occupation in writing?
No, I do not.
Falling in love is a crazy thing to do. It’s like a socially acceptable form of insanity.
"The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you get your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love you. You worry about your ex finding love before you do, you worry about being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well at night.
The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and wariness. “My ex never liked broccoli. Why the hell does this one eat so much broccoli?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very jarring. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and in dire need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a bout of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? I think it starts with us having a moment together in some coffee shop, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a bike though. You never really forget.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a cameo at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after awhile.
The second time you fall in love with someone, you will hopefully have better sex. Do not quote me on this.
The second time you fall in love with someone will still be exciting and you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. It will feel more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making coffee for each other in the morning and maybe even getting a dog. “This is my dog, Xan. I got him with the second person I fell in love with because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would’ve killed a dog.”
The second time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The second time can involve some amazing love.”
"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." - Nelson Mandela (1918-2013)
This post is for you. Yes, you. The one behind the screen scrolling through endless pieces of writing and photos with quotes that reassures you that you are not alone. Some type of justification for “It’s alright, others are miserable too”, so you’re sitting there dejected to participate in any type of activity towards moving on. And I get it, ‘cause truth be told, I’ve been there too. But remember, this isn’t about me. This is about you.
When people break up, your first thought is the ending like, the END of everything. And you just sit there and think to yourself that “It’s over. My life will never be the same. My life sucks, etc.” But I don’t blame you. We’re all susceptible to that type of vulnerability.
Because honestly, it does suck. Especially when you know that there’s always some type of fragmentary and incomplete conversations, like, wishing you wrote down everything you really wanted to say the last time you were together. And you feel like if you do not pick up the phone and schedule another one of those “last talks before really breaking up”, those unfinished conversations turns into can’t-sleep-at-thee-am and there’s a bunch of lingering feelings hovering above your head while you try to drown these fuckin’ thoughts with a bottle of Jack.
So this post is for you. For the ones who choose to drench your sorrows by masking them with nights of getting “way too fucked up until you pass out” and girl’s night out doesn’t necessarily mean catching up anymore. It suddenly means talking endlessly about how miserable you feel because you’re no longer together, so you talk and talk and cry and weep, just hoping and praying this will cleanse it out of your system. Ultimately, everyone’s just tired of the shit, so you’re back to laughing and giggling and shit-talking pretending, “I don’t care anymore” or “It’s his loss anyways.” But you go back home and when you’re all alone and you sober up, you’re damn miserable again.
This one is for you. The one who still looks at his IG profile to see who are all these bitches liking his photos. Or how awesome the party looked for his mom’s 50th birthday thinking, “What if I was still part of that family?” Or who owns that second cup in his Starbucks date picture. And finally, it’s clarified that there is a new someone. And that someone is actually really pretty. And she’s educated. And she’s family oriented. And no matter how much you want to hate her, you can’t. Because something tells you that even though you didn’t have your happy ending, he’s out working on writing his. And he, fuck man, he seems happy.
But this isn’t about him. This post is still about you, the one person who needs to accept the fact that it is over. I’m telling you again, it’s over. I even put in in bold writing. You have got to stop reminiscing about the past, whether good or bad, because no matter how much you cry, you go out and drink, and how much you want to flip the world upside down, it’s all but fragments of memories. One day, they will no longer fill your brain and while you try and try to remember every single detail, everyone else (but you) is out creating new ones.
Did it ever cross your mind that maybe, just maybe, by doing so, you are missing out on so many possibilities and potential to write the next chapter of your life? And by being stuck in the past, you are robbing yourself (and your next somebody) of the mere chance of writing that together?
I wrote this post for you. The one who is still scared to take that leap of faith and attempt to do it all over again. The one who is scared to put yourself out there, worrying if this time, it’ll just be another one of those “I invested all my time and emotions bullshit… Turns out to be another failed relationship and another waste of precious time.” And if it is, at least you pulled yourself out of the hole and managed to try and find that light.
It’s never too late to find the next best thing. When you’re too buried deep in that slum, you’re depriving yourself of meeting damn so many amazing people who could possibly interest you and help you find yourself again. And if by chance you do not find love just yet, you find new friends that are fun and wonderful and people whose company you will enjoy. But that won’t happen if you won’t try. And when you do, ultimately, everything else will fall into place. Trust me.
- Carmela David